22B422 Pt. 22: TOO SOON

Things on my TOO SOON list (for which the pain is much too fresh for me to spend more than two seconds thinking about before locking myself in a room and playing Someone Like You on repeat)

-Titanic in 3-D
-“Fast Car”, seriously
-My lack of an Ed Studies concentration
-The ruuuude Pepsi Max ads at Target Field today
– Pan-Pan going out of business
– Anything related to comps
– The last chapter of “The Women of Brewster Place”
– THE RAPE OF MOTHER EFFING NAN KING
– RIP Greg Sellnow
– The Quarry Hill murder
– Kony graffiti on Spoonbridge and Cherry
– Jason Varitek’s retirement
– Manny Ramirez’s comeback
– every single thing I’ve turned in so far for Creative Non-Fiction

22B422 Pt. 21: Things I Might Miss When I Move Out Of Minnesota

Things I Might Miss When I Move Out Of Minnesota
1. HyVee
2. CARIBOU COFFEE
3. Perkins Restaurant, Bakery and All-Day Breakfast Paradise
4. Kwik Trip
5. Basil’s Pizza
6. The Carleton College Security Blotter
7. The Paperbook Palace
8. the guy on Minnesota Public Radio with the New Zealand accent
9. 507
10. Panakuken
11. “You bet.”

22B422 Pt. 20: Notebook Excerpts

LIFE WRITING AT ITS BEST! Beat this, Anne Frank.
The first lines of each page in my school notebook:

– a model
– Do I know George well enough to write about this?
– turned into a commentary on effects of
– 4/10 is timeline invasion day on Facebook
– leaves with new understanding of people, generally normalizes them
– INVESTIGATIVE
– Autobiography/Personal/Psychology
– general journalism lecture: solve problem of SCENE first
– farm stand in high school (high school or old woman?)
– he wants to win the lottery/rob a bank/ change his name/ donate to charity
– … therefore becomes a hero to win BUT
– … therefore he successfully frames liked hero to take his spot, BUT
– Sotheby’s, appraisal orgs
– antiques capital of Connecticut?
– rituals and benchmarks
– structure of schooling and the boundaries of adolescence
– (Rousseau) assumes people are innately good
– make every working man a scholar and every scholar a working man
– Milner: status determined by beauty/physique
– Erikson/Marcia’s so-called universal theories don’t consider the implications of race
– Louder Than A Bomb questions : poetry in curriculum?
– 2000 writers’ collaborative
– Personal Narrative: what’s the purpose of telling a story?
– Doug Foxgrover and posters
-The role of social networks on adolescent identity development
– retain the inalienability of status because status is located in other people’s minds
– in high school could explore the two identities by creating
– Last weekend, Ernesto and I visited Ann Arbor, Michigan
– Oliver Sachs and how to approach life writing
– Salem’s Lot 4:23:21 at 59:45
– scholars and leaders in professionalism
– low scoop/arms side/ knees low/ cries low
– legs take it out in stride

22B422 Pt. 19: Things Currently On My Coffee Table

– A thing of nail polish in “Spring Fling,” which looks peach-colored in the bottle but gold and tacky on my fingernails.

– A milkglass vase with flowers from last summer’s wedding

– A Swingline stapler

– One green mug with a sad little puddle of Coke Zero at the bottom

– One compostable plastic cup 1/3 filled with trail mix I took from the junior art show opening

– One unwrapped box of chocolate-covered macadamias

– Ernesto’s unused Lagniappe

– One Glade candle that smells like “Clean Linen” or “Fresh Cotton” or something similar to give the illusion that any laundry ever gets done in this apartment

– Half of a chocolate chip cookie from Sayles

– One Energizer battery charger

– One new copy of “A Century of Revolution” by Grendin & Joseph

– One used copy of “Keep it Real” by Lee Gutkind

– One used and battered copy of “The Rise and Fall of the American Teenager” by Thomas Hine

– A teal-colored ceramic Sun/Moon that I haven’t found a nail for

– A framed print of Paws/Pause

– One used copy of “The Motorcycle Diaries”

– The Spring/Summer Northfield community ed catalog

– A Victoria’s Secret catalog

– One copy of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” that is property of John Marshall High School

– One sealed envelope addressed to the Mayo Scholarship Plan

– One printout of a reddit IAMA thread titled, “I transport exotic and unusual shipments for FedEx. AMA”

22B422 Pt. 18: Teen Anthems

Have you ever been in high school? Do you go to Carleton College? You should probably take EDUC 344 with Deborah Appleman, where you get to study high school and teen angst and all the other things that make life worth living. There’s a slightly insane number of books that we read per week, but the class makes up for it by starting every day with a teen anthem. Our list so far has included:

– “Baba O’Riley”, by The Who

– “No Such Thing,” by John Mayer (not his best, but I freaked out enthusiastically regardless)

– “Jack and Diane,” by John Mellencamp

– “Fast Car,” by Tracy Chapman (I think I’ve described previously how hard it was not to cry)

– “At Seventeen,” by Janis Ian

– “Maria, Maria,” by Santana w/ Wyclef and a bunch of other people

– “Waterfalls,” by TLC

– “Born This Way,” by Lady Gaga

22B422 Pt. 17: Candles

Does it count if I wrote this list way back in November? Here’s an excerpt from last year’s NaNoWriMo experiment, which takes place in a street market. 


Across this woman’s stand was a booth filled with incense and candles that church-going people could burn for specific saints, or for the occasional miracle. There was
– the candle that could cure impotency
– the candle that could turn back time
– the candle that could heal the sick
– the candle that could turn smelly feet odorless 
– the candle that could turn naughty children into angels
– the candle that could make the lover who broke your heart come back on his knees begging for your forgiveness
– the candle that kept  bitter ancestors out of your house
– the candle that stretched money out so that people could make ends meet
– the candle that helped vocalists with no talent sing in tune
– the candle that helped people read faster
– the candle that made a specific person miss you so much their bones ached
– the candle that could burn away all the sins you’d ever committed
– the candle that could burn away all the sins you were considering committing in the next year
– the candle that guaranteed a lasting marriage
– the candle that soothed coughs, sore throats, stomachaches and fevers
– the candle that induced coughs, sore throats, stomachaches and fevers
– the candle that made you into a better poet
– the candle that ensured anything cooked in your kitchen would never burn again
– the candle that incrementally cured diabetes long enough for you to have just one bite of that delicious chocolate donut
– the candle that made arthritis go away
– the candle that erased memories 
– the candle that helped you find lost items
– the candle that made you lose weight
– the candle that engorged your breasts 
– the candle that scared away monsters under the bed and ghosts in the closet
– the candle that made it so you were always on time
– the candle that helped you stop the disgusting habit of biting your nails
– the candle to keep unwanted missionaries away from your doorstep
– the candle that cured alcoholism
– the candle that got you drunk
– the candle that protected houses from bandits and criminals
– the candle that ended world hunger
– the candle that kept away nosy neighbors
– the candle that made lonely people feel a little less alone
– the candle that made everyone in the room fuzzy to the point of near invisibility so that you could be alone if you wanted
– the candle that helped people find the silver lining on the darkest, coal-black thunder clouds 
– the candle that restored faith when faith was needed
– the candle that soothed people in moments of resignation
– the candle that provided shots of extra energy
– the candle that helped lost dogs find their way back home
– the candle that helped people remember birthdays and anniversaries and supposedly important dates like those
– the candle that improved people’s driving abilities
– the candle that reduced blood pressure
– the candle that inspired burnt-out lovers to squeeze out one last sonnet before deciding that they are bored with romance
– the candle that could help people forgive the unforgivable
– the candle that kept ants and cockroaches out of the pantry
– the candle that erased fingerprints and smudges from clear glass windows
– the candle that made people run faster
– the candle that helped people sleep sounder
– the candle that could cure snoring
– the candle that could induce nightmares in people who had grown accustomed to too many sweet dreams
– the candle for people who are afraid of the dark
– the candle for people who are afraid of heights
– the candle for people who are afraid of people
– the candle that could make limp celery crunchy again
– the candle that could make lightbulbs glow brighter
– the candle that helped people make difficult decisions
– the candle that increased gamblers’ chances at winning
– the candle that allowed people to read other people’s minds
– the candle that made everyone agree with you
– the candle that kept it from raining
– the candle that helped your rose bushes grow
– the candle that perpetually blessed the food on your table so that you wouldn’t have to say grace at every meal
– the candle that eased pangs of hunger pain
– the candle that helped people speak a foreign language
– the candle that deciphered the Book of Isaiah 
– the candle whose flames foretold the future with shadows on the wall 
– the candle that took back all of the hurtful things you said to the few people you cared about the most
– the candle for aching backs
– the candle for Christmases when there might not be enough presents

22B422 Pt. 16: Now You’re Just

Well hey there. A week ago I made the huge mistake of listening to Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know,” so obviously now I’m super depressed and/or have lost all faith in humanity. A while ago I wrote a list of goodbye songs that aren’t really saying goodbye, and this one just tops them all. 

To deal with my all of my complicated feelings regarding this song, I made a bunch of advice animals and took some liberty with Gotye’s lyrics.

Alternate Endings to The Chorus for Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know.”

Now you’re just somebody’s lawn I used to mow.

Now you’re just some money that I used to owe.

Now you’re just a neon sign that used to glow. 

Now you’re just the pottery I used to throw. 

Now you’re just the sculpture that I used to sew. 

Now you’re just the cleavage that I used to show. 

Now you’re just the bubbles that I used to blow.

Now you’re just the season when it used to snow.  (MN WINTER 2012!)

Now you’re just the sea monkeys I used to grow. 

Now you’re just the college where I used to go. Seeyuh, Carleton.

22B422 Pt. 15: Division Street Curse

I used to think Rochester was a teeny little midwestern town.. and then I moved to Northfield. Our downtown area is Division Street, our own little Champs Elysees sitting pretty between Carleton and St. Olaf. The cute, hustlin’ bustlin’ part of Division Street goes on for about 4 blocks of renovated hundred-year-old buildings that house yarn stores, used bookstores, LOVELY ANTIQUE SHOPS, and like five different ice cream places. The well-trimmed trees and baroque-looking street benches give Division Street a deceptive air of perpetual happiness, but those of us who’ve been here for over a year know that all the decorative street lamps in the world can’t mask the Ghosts of Businesses Past who still haunt the street.


Division Street Businesses That Have Closed Since I Started College


1. Sweet Lou’s Waffle Bar, in business from 2008-2009. This was a fun place to visit now and then, and the business was owned by (and named after) one of Carleton’s own Religion professors. People could order sweet or savory toppings to go on their waffles, but at 7$ per waffle, the closing really came as a surprise to no one.

2. River City Books, in business from 2002-2009. The store had been a branch of the Carleton Bookstore, but specialized in books that people actually read rather than Organic Chem textbooks that end up serving as doorstops.

3. Tea Creations, in business from 2011-2012. This place had bubble tea and regular tea and mango smoothies an egg rolls and I ONLY CAME HERE ONCE because I didn’t realize how yummy bubble tea was until the year was basically over and I went back to Rochester. I think I had a bubble smoothie, which is basically a smoothie that has gummies at the bottom. The best part of bubble drinks is that they come with the fattest straws in the world. 😦


4. Pan-Pan International Cafe, in business from 2010-2011. Ernesto and I ate here pretty often because they had an enormous peanut stir fry that always comes with tons of cilantro and because they sold Jarritos. This place sold Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Mexican food (weird combo? yes. delicious? yes.) and had sort of awkward waiters. It also had Saturday breakfasts that I never tried. 5 dollar huevos rancheros, you’re the one that got away..


5. Digs, in business from 2001-2011. Digs was a yarn and fabric store that left Northfield right when I started doing soft sculpture for my senior year art classes. I ended up driving to JoAnn’s in Rochester like every other week to get satin or zippers or polyester fluff or blue thread and whatever else I needed for mah artz. Speaking of which.. does anyone need fabric hamburgers? Fabric shotguns? Fabric pretzels? Fabric syringes? Fabric rifles? Fabric cigarettes? Anyone? Anyone?

6. Tiny’s, in business from THE BEGINNING OF TIME – 2011. Tiny’s sold hot dogs and indie soda BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY its ads were literally the best part of The CLAP (the edz got free hotdogs every Friday for making them). So now that Tiny’s is out (and Andreas Stoehr graduated), 1. There is no way to save America and 2. The CLAP just has a bunch of rehashed look-a-likes and Asian mom emails. And soft porn.

Someone else’s photo of the Tiny’s bumper sticker.

22B422 Pt. 14: Panino

On April 17, 1992, my mom gave birth to the tub of lard that would grow to be my best friend (after our rough period involving knife threats and borderline mental abuse). Here’s a list of some of the memories I like to reminisce about now and then involving the best broooother in the world.

Look at this kid in his tulip costume. What’s not to love?! Let me tell you. This picture was taken DAYS before this little bundle of joy sat on my Olympic gymnast Barbie, squishing her hips and destroying her tumbling career. 

This is at his 5th birthday party, where he got Space Jam as one of his presents. We would watch it and laugh nonstop whenever someone said the word “butt” and when Daffy Duck asked to stay home and bake cookies. The movie came with the soundtrack (his first ever CD!) and Francisco would also get really teary during “For You I Will,” by Monica (his favorite song for YEARS). Such a sensitive soul. 

I don’t really have a memory associated with this picture, I just think Francisco looks hilarious. On a separate note, our dad made that ginormous flag, I never cease to be impressed by it. 

Francisco had chicken pox on this trip, his face looked the color of mayonaise for days. 

This is during Francisco’s train phase, where he (and I) would watch Thomas the Tank Engine and the gang mess things up for Sir Top’em Hat allll day long. You can’t tell in the picture very well, but this was also the phase when he was in love with Lucky Sumale, his primary teacher from church. The day she got married, he refused to shake her husband’s hand. 

I just wanted to get a picture that captured his Hair Phase. This was also during his Vans phase (which has only sort of ended) and his Motion City Soundtrack obsession. I’m not sure what’s going on in this picture. Is he about to punch me in the head? We both look ridiculous, but Natalia looks like a freaking rock star here. 

And Francisco looks like a freaking rock star in this one (though Alexia should take most of the credit for that). Which rock star does he look like?

BUSTED!! YOU CAN’T DENY IT FRANCISCO ABRAHAM! 

Quit stealing J-Bieb’s swag(gie). 

22B422 Pt. 13: Things I Wish I Liked

22 Things I Wish I Liked 

1. pug dogs

2. bulldogs

3. zebra print

4. yoga

5. wearing high heels

6. football

7. The Catcher in the Rye

8. the word “guesstimate”

9. zombie-related things

10. high-waisted jeans/shorts/skirts/everything

11. Where the Wild Things Are

12. Angry Birds 

13. Instagrammed photos

14. carpets

15. KRLX

16. Whoppers 

17. feathers

18. koalas

19. painting with acrylics instead of oils

20. brushing my hair

21. temporary tattoos

22. sunsets