Pro-Procrastination


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Procrastination (((((SPOILER))))))

is spelled

“P-A-U-L-I-N-A”
and the worst part is that I’m on spring break. Spring BREAK.
Alright, let’s get to it:
Words I Don’t Understand
1. swagger (swagga)
Forgive my monumental uncoolness, but what does this mean? I just realized, maybe 24 hours ago, that I’ve said this word about sixteen thousand times, mainly because I’ve sung along to Tik Tok about sixteen thousand times (and loved every single bit of it). Other people who’ve gotten me saying it: Lil Wayne, Chris Brown, Fergie and da Peez, Mia (who, I recently learned, is actually spelled M.I.A. with periods in the middle (*see P!nk post)), and half of the people I hear on Pandora.
And I know what you’re thinking! That this is just like that time in 7th grade when I didn’t know what “boo” meant! And how it took me four years, four painful, meaningless years, to finally figure it out, thanks to Usher and Alicia Keys! But this time, I refuse to let four years pass by before I understand swagger.
Let’s go about this strategically using the tried and true THIENTIFIC METHOD! (Since it’s what I’m supposed to be doing for Andrew May Mellon’s generous research fellowship application!
1. Question: Whats swagger?
2. Background Info:
  • Paper Planes: “no one on the corner has swagga like us, something something prepaid wireless”
  • Boom Boom Pow: “Them chickens jackin my style, they try to copy my swagger”
  • Tik Tok: “the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger”
  • Transform ya: “Swag low, I build you up, knees weak I stand you up”
3. Hypothesis:
Swagger is the mtv version of ‘tumbao’, as in ‘la negra tiene tumbao’. Swagger is a limp that people walk with which actually makes them cooler.
Rationale:
walk + stagger = swagger
4. Experiment:
Wiki “swagger”

5. Results:


(none of which look promising)

4.2. Experiment:
Google “swagger definition”

5.2. Results:

Be confident in who you are, because at the end of the day, that’s all you are. You.

That’s what swagger is, at least how I see it. All of these people walkin around think they have swagger because they’re cocky and have money, but how many of these images are the real person? The word has lost it’s meaning…”


6. Conclusion:
Today was the first day that Wikipedia failed me. Thank you, Swagger J, for healing the throbbing wound of my ignorance. Although I’m kind of upset that it’s not walk+stagger..

I’ve got this research thing in the bag. Let’s get this proposal did.
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Spring Break To Do List:

1. Be in my own novela.

I’ve been home for 24 hours and I’ve already spent an embarrassingly large percentage of that time watching Pura Sangre, my mom’s new addiction on Telefutura. Compare that to the time spent by other Carleton SpringBreakers doing everything in their power to look like this:


“Science!” (or, if he’s feeling patriotic: “Thienthia!”)

How To Make A Latin-American Soap Opera That Will Capture The Hearts Of Millions
1. TV Network – I’m Mexican, so.. Univision baby!
2. Theme Song – sooo important. Must somehow contain the title. Bonus points if it alludes to blood, tears, or heartache in general.

(inspired by Robin and Bill’s Semaphore duet)

3. Title- determined by song so, any of these are feasible:
-Triste Febrero
-Gauchos Colorados
-Los Negros estan Llorando
-Esfuerzos Fracasados
-Sangre Derramada
-Salvajes
-La Esperanza Se Acabo
4. The Perfect Cast
The naive, 100% well-intentioned good girl- Taylor Bly
The not so naive, not so well-intentioned best friend- Kate Wilson
The legendary relative who “died of natural causes” (but was actually suffocated by a pillow)- Adam Anderson
The gringo – Jake Dungan
The powerhungry murdering rich girl who’s obsessed with the good guy- Kelsey Norton
The fortune-teller – Courtney Bertschinger
The guy who gets manipulated by the rich evil girl for sexual favors/blackmail- Jon Aranda
The illegitimate son- Jeremy Goerss
The family doctor who switches babies at the beginning of the whole thing- Eric Hitimana
The Catholic priest who knows everyone’s secrets BUT CAN’T REVEAL ANYTHING! – Phil Sietsema
The wise, down-to-earth servant woman who spends all her time in the kitchen – Catherine Cragun
The mafia leader (or equivalent) – Elsie Arisa
The great-looking good guy who gets what he wants- Aaron Kaufman
The great-looking good guy’s brother who gambles and drinks too much and eventually dies- Mateo Trujillo
The other great-looking good guy who gets the consolation prize / ends up in a wheelchair – Will Corderis