Pro-Procrastination


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The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Before I start off this post, allow me the pleasure of telling you that today is the first day in what feels like forever that I don’t have a bajillion deadlines hanging over my head. I have nothing (NOTHING) due for a good 48 hours. So I took a much-needed nap and looked at lots of tumblrs without feeling guilty! Wins all around. Okay, now you may keep reading.

If I’ve learned anything over the past 16 years I’ve spent living in the US of A, it’s that Halloween is more than the year’s greatest holiday. It’s an investment where you can’t lose. If you’re a kid or a short person with a mask, you get candy. If you’re at that sad, sad point in your life when it’s no longer okay to go trick-or-treating, you get to buy copious amounts of candy without being judged. And no matter what age/height/sugar tolerance, you wear a costume.

The most rewarding thing about Halloween costumes isn’t that you get to adopt a new, more interesting persona. It’s that costumes are a sly way of adding items to your wardrobe/life that would normally be frowned upon. FOR EXAMPLE, the year Haley Bly, Kelsey Norton, Alexa Turner and my brother dressed up as the Spice Girls, I got to buy a pair of red pleather pants. Did they chafe like a mofo? Yes. Did they make me look like a less glamorous Britney Spears? Yes. But they were red. And pleather. And in my closet. Thanks to Halloween, the gift that keeps on giving.

Here’s a list of some of the life-enhancing items that you can get for a Halloween costume, and then enjoy afterwards for years to come.

Costume: NASCAR racer
Item: Sweet (PUN INTENDED) M&M jacket
Between October and April in MN, every day you have to wake up and remember that it’s cold and cloudy and generally depressing outside. You put on your boring jacket with your head hung low and greet the world with a little less hope than you had the day before. Well, no more! With this M&M-sponsored jacket, you’ll bring a little bit of sunshine and a whole lot of happy to a grey, cold world. Or just to yourself.

Costume: Rini from “Sailor Moon”
Item: Luna ball
How fun would it be to play four-square or dodgeball or really anything with this thing? I’ll tell you. It would be SO fun.

Costume: Tobias from “Arrested Development”
Item: Diamond Cream
I don’t remember why Lindsay bought this stuff in the first place, but the possibilites seem endless. You could rub it on your skin to make it sparkle. You could wash your hair to make it glow or to hide your dandruff. You could spread it on your sandwiches and eat it so that diamonds run through your bloodstream, amping up your self-worth.

Other uninteresting things that I want to tell you:

– I’ve been really into Mariah Carey’s old stuff for the past 8 months. All I want for Christmas is to be able to sing “Always Be My Baby” like she can, but until then, Ernesto and the next-door neighbors will have to put up with my overwhelmingly out of tune renditions.

– Vinny Guadagnino has a blog! It’s filled with his poetry, mini-essays on morality and ethics (and how to tell whether a girl is good in bed), and awkward uses of HSM3 images. Also, he uses Blogger (suck it, WordPress), which makes us soul-siblings.

– A bunch of of the MMUF people and I went to a conference in Chicago, and I won a raffle for the first time in my life. It was a weekend of wonders. Also, the U of Chicago campus in the fall was one of the most beautiful places I’d ever seen. Why is Carleton so ugly? Why why why why?

– I chipped my tooth again, this time while I was eating a BLT (shocker) in the gamer computer lab (double shocker). That makes this the second time in the past month, the fourth time overall. Why why why why? On the plus side, I’m getting better at talking with my lips over my teeth.

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