Pro-Procrastination


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Keep It Loose, Child

This year only proves, yet again, that I am about ten bazillion times more productive over spring break than I ever am at school.
THINGS I DID OVER BREAK THAT I COULD NEVER DO AT SCHOOL
– I discovered Amos Lee’s album, “Amos Lee”. With the exception of (spoiler alert) watching Never Say Never, putting this on my computer is probably the best investment I’ve made all week. I’ve just been walking around and humming “keep it loose child, keep it tight.” It feels goooooood.
– on a slightly different note.. Francisco wasted no time in showing me the Rebecca Black “Friday” song. 1.5 minutes into it, I was impressed at how good of a satire they’d made, I really liked it. When he told me it wasn’t a joke, I wasn’t sure how to react. After a few minutes of deliberating, Natalia and I decided to just go with it. As in memorizing the lyrics and only speaking in Rebecca Black when Friday came around.

– I learned that there is an ice cream Pokemon. Meet Vanillish, #583! I know this seems like the dumbest thing ever.. but it’s not. There’s no reason to treat Vanillish any differently from the other Pokemon we know and love. Vanillish comes with all the signature sucky moves like Harden (this may sound familiar to those of you who’ve ever trained a Metapod or Kakuna), but it can also learn really cool (PUN INTENDED) moves like Avalanche, Ice Beam and Sheer Cold (that last one sounds especially KO-y). Plus it can learn nice (PUN INTENDED AGAIN) TMs like TM79, Frost Breath. It can also learn Swagger. The fact that TM87: Swagger even exists deserves its own bullet point, but I won’t go there. True to its name, TM87 confuses and enrages the target, which is pretty true to what Weezy, Jay-Z and Kanye try to do.
– I changed my ringtone to something where I can’t sing along so long (sorry Modest Mouse) that I eventually miss the call. Up next is changing my alarm so that I can wake up in the morning feelin like P-Diddy.

– I went to Goonies stand-up comedy open mic night. The key to have a minimally awkward time here is to have low expectations, and even then, you have to be pretty generous. Ernesto clapping his hands when they asked who in the audience had any kids might’ve been in the top three funny moments.. to give you an idea.
– Jon, Ernesto, Francisco and I watched Never Say Never, it was probably the most glorious 2ish hours of this whole vacation. The fact that we were the only ones in the theatre only made the night better, since then we (by “we” I mean “I”) could sing along to half of the movie without worrying about getting yelled at by the rest of the audience. It also meant I didn’t have to be as embarrassed about crying so much during some of the heartstring scenes. Like the home videos and the One Less Lonely Girl concert things and the scene with Usher. And the baby pictures, oh my gosh here I go. It almost didn’t matter that it wasn’t in 3-D. Really the only thing we missed was the confetti at the end and the part where he swishes his hair OUT INTO YOU. Actually I guess that would’ve been pretty life-changing (not a joke).
-Most importantly, during spring break I found this picture. Let me start off by saying that the love for tacky things (e.g. Ernesto Llano) is in my Hispanic blood, so it isn’t my fault that I feel this way about this cake.
I’ll use someone else’s wise words to express how much I love this.
I believe in miracles,
Since you came along,
you sexy thang
(you sexy thang).


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Her?


I was watching my daily dose of Grey’s Anatomy, the world’s trashiest medical tele-drama, when I couldn’t help but feel like one of the guest characters seemed awfully familiar. In the episode, Heather Douglas is a 17-year old girl whose spine is permanently bent at 90 degrees. Only someone as ruggedly handsome and surgically capable as Dr. McDreamy can take on such a risky surgery and fix Heather’s life. But can he straighten her spine without paralyzing her? And how will Heather’s mom afford the $300,000 surgery? And even if she makes it through the surgery, will Heather ever have the courage to get a better haircut?
Under normal circumstances, these questions would have me on the edge of my seat. But this time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew Heather from before. What had her name been? Plant? Hog? Maybe Yam?
Hold on I got this. Her name was EGG!

She calls it a Mayonegg.
I mean Ann. Her name was Ann Veal, George Michael’s non-incestuous true love from Arrested Development.
Ann!! How could I forget Ann?!!
So yeah, I was excited when I realized that Egg (also known as Mae Whitman.. but Egg is easier to remember. right right?) wasn’t ending her TV career with Arrested Development. If you can’t star in one of TV’s best-written programs, what better replacement than the seedy underbelly of raunchy hospital romance known as Grey’s Anatomy?
But it doesn’t stop here. Not only does Egg appear in sexy adult doctor shows, but she’s the voice of Katara, supahawt asian water-bender from Nick’s animated show, Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Ann/Egg = Katara. I don’t know how many of you have watched Avatar, but you should know that it is possibly Nickelodeon’s greatest contribution to the world. And even though Aang is the Avatar and all, everyone knows that the real hero of the show is Katara. I mean she can water-bend people’s blood to control their bodies. Katara is serious business.

By now you’re still recovering from this whole Heather= Ann/Egg = Katara business, but we’re not through. In 2001, Fox Family came out with a series known as State of Grace. It only aired two seasons, but in 6th grade I managed to watch most of the show during a back-to-back marathon. The show was set in the 60s, and was about two pre-teen girls who, despite their differences, grow to be best friends. One is Alia Shawkat, a Jewish girl who doesn’t fit in at school, is shy and has too many freckles. The other one is Emma “Grace” McKee, a 12-year -old wealthy Catholic girl who can’t stop getting into trouble. She’s feisty, rebellious, and really into fondue. She is Ann. Egg. Katara. Crazy eh?

BUT WAIT. Stop everything. Who’s the dark-haired girl next to Grace/Egg/Katara?? Why isn’t George Michael in between them, biting his fingernails and stammering? What’s going on?

SO Ann/Egg’s co-star in State of Grace was none other than Alia Shawkat. Or as we all know and love her, Maeby Funke. From Arrested Development. George-Michael’s incestuous true love. (well sort of).

If you are not out-of-your-mind excited about the fact that Maeby and Egg were co-stars on a show yeaaaars before Arrested Development, I want nothing to do with you. I haven’t been this excited about anything since I first realized that LOST, Arrested Development and The O.C. all take place (somehow) in Newport Beach.
This whole Heather/Ann/Katara/Grace discovery has taken place in the library while I was going to study for my physics final, which is two days away. You may say this was a waste of valuable study time, but I can prove you wrong: