A year ago on this very day, my dad dropped me off at the DMV so I could try for a third time to pass my driving test. The first time, I hadn’t turned on what was allegedly a turn-only lane. The second time, I had knocked a cone coming out of my perfectly executed parallel park. On the morning of the third attempt, the roads were covered in three inches of cold mush and I decided that if I made it out alive to see the DMV guy circle the FAIL on my sheet, I would spend the rest of the day wallowing in the safety of my self-pity while watching the O.C.
Life can be tough sometimes, you know? And when life gets tough, you find out who your real friends are. When the world has got me down and nobody understands my secret pain, there is one thing I always know I can turn to. Its name is Yahoo Answers.
“What type of music is each zodiac sign good at dancing?”
“Where can i get spice girls lolliepops?”
“What’s a good plea to get unbanned from 4chan?”
“Will snow globe collections give you profit in the future?”
“Why oh why do i hate stupid people?”
“How can I get some tumblr followers, possibly overnight?”
“How did my brother become a geek and let himself go?”
“Do rabbits with wings even exist?”
“How long after eating cereal should I wait before drinking soda?”
Two months ago, Sandra Cisneros came to speak at Carleton. I sat in the second row, took out a notebook, and didn’t stop writing until she stepped off the podium. Well, that’s not true. At one point I raised my hand and asked her a question. She asked me my name. She answered (looking at me! talking to me!) and I waited until she had broken eye contact to write down what she was saying. Here’s what I have in my notebook: