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There are probably better ways to use my time.

You guys. I have a lot of lame hobbies. Among these, there’s looking at calendars online (not shopping for them, not printing them out and USING them.. just looking at them in awe), e-stalking this person, freaking out when I recognize actors that play secondary characters across different shows*


In my last post I posted a clip of Glee where Sandy Ryerson yells at someone for not knowing who Josh Groban is. Last weekend, I watched Groundhog Day with Ernesto and was super excited to see a young, less pastel-covered Sandy (whose name is Stephen Toboloswky IRL) hanging out with Bill Murray.


While I was looking for relevant pictures to put on this blog, I found THIS ONE..

.. and then it took like 20 seconds to find Stephen Tobolowsky’s AMA and his podcast. Which I am listening to right now. He’s talking about yogurt and heart surgery and being a terrible bowler. (!!!!)
Okay, so that unprecedented detour does a pretty good job of depicting how I spend an alarming amount of my free time. It’s an even more alarming amount now that I’m in this awkward space before school and work start again. Since Ernesto already has a life, I spend most of the day alone in our apartment trying to ignore the 3 boxes that have been halfway unpacked for the past 3 weeks and dividing my time between the hobbies previously discussed and watching old episodes of Project Runway.
At first, I was like, “Why is this the first time I’m watching this show? I should’ve listened to Person From High School Who Recommended It. This show is incredible. Omg Tim Gunn.” And thennn I realized that what I love about this show is that it’s exactly like watching episodes of people working on art projects at Carleton until 4 in the morning, had those episodes ever been filmed. It took 3 years of being in Boliou the night before (or morning of) a deadline, running on no sleep and being surrounded by 11-15 people who are freaking out, followed by a 2-hour critique where everyone tells you all the different ways they hate your piece and one part they liked about it to appreciate what goes on in Project Runway. Granted, Michael Kors is a little bit more creative with the insults he hands out, but you get the picture. So yeah, I’ve felt sort of like a veteran who can’t stop watching war movies.
In an attempt to feel less gross about myself after finishing Season 8, I started looking for new books for my Kindle. Ernesto got me The Firm and well.. okay, I thought I’d lost all respect for John Grisham when I learned he was responsible for Christmas with the Kranks. WRONG. It turns out that I still had a light at the end of my John Grisham tunnel, and that light disappeared with The Firm. I don’t think I’m even ready to talk about this yet. I’m definitely not one against trashy novels (remember sophomore fall term at Carleton, when I read like 4 Princess Diary Books AND the entire Queen of Babble series AND both of the Bridget Jones’ Diary books? If it sounds super lonely and pitiful, it’s cause it was. But at least it was enjoyable), but The Firm made me want to sue John Grisham for allowing himself to accept a spot on the bestseller list.

After that debacle, I was browsing r/kindlefreebies and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD I found this website that has a hundred free e-books.. Oh man. Oh. Man. I don’t even have the words to convey how terrible/awesome it was, so I’ve picked out a few of the most memorable titles (accompanied by the original cover art and a brief description by the author):

My favorite cover is definitely Plankton We Have Heard on High, but it’s tough to choose. Part of me sort of wants to download some of these and see if the inside is as entertaining as the outside, but I don’t want to spoil the illusion.

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Another Fangirl Post

It feels SO GOOD not having to post that hideous 22b422 logo, oh man. That was one joke that got more than enough stage time. To help my eyes heal from the Wordart, I’ve been playing around with some versions of this week’s SUMO poster. For Drive. The movie that I’m in love with. NBD (but actually..).

Here’s the one that’s actually going up around campus:
And here are the ones I am going to use to paper my living room:

My personal favorite.
I know.. but I couldn’t not make this joke.

Can you spot the subliminal love note?

Oh man I love my job. 

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I spend a lot of time

– daydreaming about baking cookies with the fake vanilla extract I bought two weeks ago.

– trying to wash the printmaking ink out of the corners of my fingernails, failing, and looking like my hands just came out of a zombie movie.

– listening to “Set Fire to the Rain” on the radio, as in hearing it four times on three (THREE) different radio stations during the 45 minute drive from Nofo to Roch.

– trying to convince myself that saying “Nofo” and “Roch” doesn’t make me sound like a tool.

– pretending to be Ryan Gosling from “Drive” whenever I’m driving to Rochester/Northfield/Cub Foods. The ice cold fear that starts running through my veins whenever I have to make a left turn probably isn’t very similar to the fear Ryan Gosling’s character (who doesn’t have a name, fyi, if you haven’t seen the movie, in which case I feel so bad for you because that movie is basically the fuel that keeps me running day after day, and not even because it stars Ryan Gozlin’ but because it is a work of Capital-A-Art, and I can say that without the least bit of contempt or cynicism. Was that long enough of a run-on fragment for you? Sometimes I think that the fond, fond memory I have of watching that movie in Dallas with Ernesto probably accounts for 80ish percent of the reason I want to move to Texas.) what was I saying before? I’m aware that my adventurous left-turns in rural Minnesota – the kind without a green arrow at the intersection – are not exactly up to par with Ryan Gosling’s mind-blowing escapades (LITERALLY) (you could hear brains actually squelching/splashing onto the walls) (P.S. spoilers.. sorry). But pretending to be Driver makes me feel elated, so I do it all the time.

– reminding myself that I need a haircut, then remembering that I don’t want to spend fifteen bucks to walk out of Cost Cutters looking exactly the same as when I walked in, then aimlessly browsing DIY haircut tutorials on Youtube until I get distracted by better Youtube things.

– feeling depressed that all the people I admire are probably jerks.

– wishing there could be a bookmark for my audiobook on iTunes so that I could occasionally take a breaks and listen to music without losing my place, then the plot, then the book, then I swear.

– listening to Josh Ritter and trying to rearrange my organs so that more of me could be filled up with his music.

– catching myself about to quote someone’s blog, then realizing it would probably be creepy if they knew I even read their blog because we’re in that weird limbo between being fringe acquaintances (where the other person probably doesn’t remember that we had that one conversation at that one event) and actual acquaintances (where I nod at the other person on my way to class and pretend I didn’t just read their really dumb contribution to Carleton Facebook Memes). Do you have a blog? I probably read it. And pretend I don’t read it by self-censoring myself whenever I want to reference it.

– saying I want to make this blog look sexier, but in a dignified way. Like, Meryl Streep sexy. Just kidding. I know she’s the Lara Croft of actresses, but Doubt totally obliterated any chance of my finding Meryl Streep sexy. I haven’t ever played Tomb Raider, but every life-size cardboard cutout I’ve seen walking by Gamestop leads me to assume that Lara Croft is the most unstoppable human force the world has ever known. Probably accurate.

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Follow up post: Toy Story Costumes

Earlier I wrote about some of the Toy Story costumes I’ve seen throughout the ages, so here’s a fluff follow-up post. Toy Story 3 was a big deal, so obviously we had to go to the midnight showing in costume. In an effort to make sure that none of the fringe characters felt left out, I dressed up as Pterodactdoll that Sid made with his sister’s Sally doll and a dinosaur head.

The resemblance is uncanny. 
Above, I give you Rex, Hamm and Slinky Dog. 
And here is Barbie, a waaaay less creepy Hamm, and a toy soldier. 

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List of Thoughts I Am Too Lazy To Make Into A Real Post

1. My dad and I got to see Andrea Ledesma in Munich! She and Jörg took the two-hour train from Neumarkt and spent Sunday eating white sausage and seeing impressionist paintings and drinking German punch with us. I tell you this so that you will think we are classy and cultured, when really the opposite is true because my dad and I spent Monday night watching Friends in German. Really it was just me watching Friends with a German phrasebook in hand trying to see what the laughtrack was laughing at while my dad was Skyp(e?)ing with my mom. Other notes about the trip..

–  ABSURDLY expensive internet ($6 euro per hour. PER HOUR!)
– ABSURDLY amazing Michael Jackson altar randomly sitting there on a street. I mean there is some seriously heartfelt fandom going on in Munich. 

The king of Bavaria is no match for the king of pop. 
MJ = Just another part of Munich. 
Speaking of Michael Jackson, this video does a pretty good job of showing exactly what I look like 90% of the time I’m in the kitchen. 

2. The latest Modern Family episode confirmed yet again that Cameron Tucker and I are the exact same person. Exactly. It is mildly terrifying. Even though I’m sure that none of you are in the least bit interested by the freakish similarities between me and TV’s most loveable gay dad, I am taking notes to dedicate a whole post (with actual sentence structure) to this. The jist of it will probably be something along the lines of: Paulina Lopez and Cameron Tucker: Hypersensitive, passive aggressive, believe “the more you spend the more you save,” invest way too much meaning on random events and cry for hours when others do not remember dozens upon dozens of these tiny but meaningful moments, own too many shirts, have an unhealthy relationship with food, etc.  Stay tuned.

3.  Why yes, I did see The Muppet Movie in theatres. Twice. I wouldn’t want to see it a third time because everything about Walter makes me want to punch him in the face. Everything about Kermit makes me want to punch him in the face, too. It’s the same feeling I got from Mickey Mouse, or Tommy from the Rugrats/All Grown Up, or Little Foot from The Land Before Time. There’s something about these characters that makes me feel like I’m being conned.

4. I tried making a list of the top five worst Christmas songs, but all I could come up was Christmas with Weezer, the Christmas album my sister keeps playing around the house.

 I’m into celebrity Christmas albums as much as the next person, but whoever thought that a rock version of O Come All Ye Faithful and O Holy Night would be a good idea is doing the world a disservice.

5. I was going to write something about Herman Cain and Pokemon, but these guys say it best. Needless to say, I was crossing my fingers that he’d quote the ancient prophecy with the clever plot-twisting “ash” pun.

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Listeria II: Goodbyes

The past week has seen a lot of losses. You might want to find a Kleenex box and scroll to the bottom of the post to refer to my handy list of Top Ten Goodbye Songs before continuing. You could also just pop in a NOW! cd, because most songs I put on the list have been on those compilations .. no surprise there.

1. Goodbye, crappy white Macbook.

After 3.5 years of constant use/abuse, you might think that this computer is totally unusable. That’s sort of true, because it was totally unusable until 2 days ago, when it was given a new hard drive, new battery, and sent to Mexico.

This computer has seen me through the thick and think of my adolescence. When I was in France, it was my connection to Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts in Newport Beach. It was also my connection to people I actually knew/ college acceptance emails/lots of music, but most importantly it endured hours upon hours of Californiaaa Here We Coooome.
At Carleton, this computer saw me through my linguistics all-nighter, my Latin American Poetry all-nighter, my Arrested Development all-nighter, my English all-nighters, and my many many many studio art all-nighters. The night I was supposed to spend writing an art history essay, I instead spent in the library trying not to cry as Ernesto did his best to salvage my waterlogged computer. I had walked in the rain for 7 minutes, and 7 minutes was enough to ruin the laptop.
NOT! Because my computer is a FIGHTER and on the third day (or the fifteenthth day) it was risen from the dead in glory and splendor and with minimal screen damage. Not to draw inappropriate comparisons.. but that MacBook could’ve come straight out of the New Testament.
2. Goodbye, Memory Card
So about 36 hours ago I realized that my camera was missing its memory card. Seeing as how the last place I’d left it was approx. 2 inches away from my trash can, and how I’ve searched EVERYWHERE, I’m assuming it fell in and is now sitting in a landfill next to a bunch of pizza boxes and old tires. It’s unfortunate because the neither the pizza boxes or the tires have any way to enjoy the 594 pictures that were on there, so they’ll assume that Mr. Memory Card is just boring and quiet and they won’t bother starting a conversation when actually he’s got 594 stories to tell if anyone would just say “Hey.”
3. Goodbye, Yellow Sunglasses
I’d been waiting 7 LONG MONTHS for there to be enough sun that I needed to wear these. Two weeks into that long-awaited springtime, I found away to drop, step on, and break the sunglasses all in half a second. That makes these the fourth pair of glasses I’ve stepped on in the past year. Owning glasses = constant heartbreak.
My life won’t ever be the same without the three of you. Even if I try to replace each of you with bigger and better products, a little bit of me will always be stuck saying “Goodbye.” I hope you’ll be saying it back to me.
Top Ten Goodbye Songs (dedicated to Crappy MacBook, Memory Card, Yellow Sunglasses, and all of the other possessions I will someday break or misplace):
10. All I Have (ft. LL Cool J) – J. Lo. For all the times you don’t want to say goodbye. For all the times J.Lo is bouncin’ and you can’t do anything about it but rap to try to convince her to stay. ‘Instead of beefin come hold me, I promise I’m not a phony.’
9. Closing Time – Semisonic This song is the kind of thing that everyone pretends to hate, they roll their eyes when it starts playing and shake their heads at the DJ, but they secretly know all of the lyrics and get sort of sad when it’s over. Also see The Graduation Song by Vitamin C and Good Riddance by Greenday.
8. Cry Me A River – Justin Timberlake So Justin tries to act very strong and detached during this song, but if you listen hard enough, you can tell that it’s hurting him to leave. He’s mad, and when people are mad they act detached and cold, but the verses in falsetto give him away. He’s crying himself a river, that’s how hard it is for him to say goodbye.
7. Won’t Go Home Without You – Maroon 5 I guess this is another song that’s more about not wanting to say ‘Goodbye,’ which makes it close enough to a Goodbye song.
6. Bye Bye Bye – N*Sync
It’s cliche, but it would be blasphemous to NOT have this song on this list. Besides, I’m pretty sure that the Bye Bye Bye Clap has replaced the Wave Goodbye.

5. Let It Burn – Usher There’s a fine line between a regular break-up song and an actual goodbye song. The typical break up song is mostly angry or bitter, and few are as emotionally well-rounded as this one. Or if not well-rounded, it’s a little confusing as to who’s leaving and who’s staying, which automatically makes it DEEP. In a few days when I’m no longer procrastinating for my Modern Art final, maybe I’ll do a post about how Let It Burn fits pretty well into the PostModern scheme of things. You’re welcome in advance.
That’s a joke, I hate postmodern things, postmodernism can push itself off a cliff please and thank you.
4. Ruby Tuesday – Rolling Stones This is the part of the list where things get serious. Like, I hear this song and I actually get sad, and it feels like the louder I sing the chorus the better I’ll feel. I’m saving this one for the last Harry Potter movie – the credits will start rolling and I’ll go, “GOOOOOODBYE, RUUUBY TUESDAY!”
3. You And I Both – Jason Mraz I have nothing snarky to say about this song, because it’s very pretty and a little sad and a lot of fun to sing. It’s also what plays inside my head every time I leave Rochester. One time I heard it in the HyVee gas station right before heading back to NoFo (that’s right) and it made my whole night, because gas stations usually play more annoying things like “Lucky” or “I’m Yours”, not good ones like this. I pretended to consider buying a bag of beef jerky so that I could stick around long enough to hear the whole song play.

2. I’m Gonna Find Another You – John Mayer Recently, I had a conversation with my brother about which John Mayer song he could play for me at the wedding, (since he’s the best brother in the world and is willing to something like that for me) and after the third angsty anti-love song I suggested, we concluded that John Mayer songs might not be the most suitable for the event. They ARE, however, very suitable for So Longs and Farewells, and so this one made it onto this list.
1. Danke Schoen – Wayne Newton Remember that one amazing movie where the beautiful Matt Broderick wins over the city of Chicago with little more than a wink and a couple of dance moves? That amazing movie is the first thing I’m going to watch when I’m done with finals, and this amazing song is the first thing I’m gonna sing when I’m driving far far away from the cesspool that is Carleton College in about a year and four days. Because although Carleton is a terrible place, it’s a terrible place that I somehow care about, and when I say “Goodbye,” I want to do it right.