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Que du bonheur!

It’s Friday and I refuse to be unhappy, even if half the campus wants to wipe their butt with the Carl Horoscopes for all the stupid alliterations that someone (Blanky Blanky) decided to add. Unless your name is Shel Silverstein or Eminem, thinking that alliterations will make your sentence sound better is like puking on your hot dog to give it extra flavor.


1. Inching my way to the top of the Carleton College Publications Pyramid is going better than expected. I even skipped a whole level (The Carletonian). It’s like skipping a grade but it’s more rewarding and no one plays Monkey in the Middle with your lunchbox during recess. Writing/editing/fighting with (Blanky Blanky) about the Carl Horoscopes isn’t a bad way to be part of the elite few who get to call themselves editors of this school’s most respected (read:recycled) paper. Brag! Brag! Editor! Brag! Carl! Brag! Trelawney Protegee! Brag!

2. Courtney Bertchinger: Like any good friend, I was reading your Facebook info and I noticed that one of your listed Favorite Movies happens to be one that I love with most of my body and all of my soul and that has since served as my personal definition of “beautiful”. Thanks for reminding me of my definition of “beautiful”.

3. Ernesto LLano: Like any good friend, you were creeping on my Firefox tabs and noticed that I was having trouble coping with the possibility that I might never again watch Portraits Chinois. Thanks for making me extremely happy. Next time we watch it together, maybe you won’t fall asleep half an hour into it.

4. I am trying very hard not to write this all in caps but holy crap Ebony is tomorrow and I am so excited you wouldn’t even believe it a a a a a a a h h h h h h hh hhh!

5.ça fait longtemps, and it’s lovely to have this as part of my life again. I love the internet.


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Review of Everything

(because I can’t love too much one part of it)

The Carletonian: Like Old Faithful, you never fail to be the most advertised AND most boring attraction on campus. Except for 4th week’s issue, where the open letters to/from SaGa were more entertaining and passionate than anything in the Carl. Thank you. Please go back to being bland.

Benjamin Parks: Thanks for the migraine-inducing Clap article. Or whatever that was.

Fall: Your one night stand has broken thousands of hearts across the midwest. I hope you’re making potato chips out of leaves somewhere far away where you’ll be underappreciated until you cry the way my heart did when I saw snow outside my window.

Bob Dylan: Thanks, but no thanks.


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Hey, dirtay,

baby I got churr money!

Top 5 Things I Shouldn’t Enjoy As Much As I Do
1. The way Max Beamis sounds when he screams “balls in his mouth”
2. Max Beamis obscenities in general.
3. “nigga”, but not in a KKK “there’ll be a hangin tonight!” way, but in a “Will Smith knows how to make graffiti look really worthwhile when he kicks it with his ____s.” It’s not a big deal. I have a black friend.

*related note: the abovementioned word is the only thing that Beamis ever censors in the Got Your Money cover. s’funny!

4. So.. myyyy name is Boxxy..
5. The Mario Kart Rap. I don’t even play Mario Kart. But I lie and say I do, so I watch youtube raps about it to compensate.
6. 3:04 – 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
7. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
8. 3:04 – 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
9. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
10. 3:04 – 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
11. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love