Pro-Procrastination


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Missed You

Hey there Internet old buddy old pal! It’s been a long, dark and desolate week without you. By ‘long, dark and desolate,’ I actually mean ‘warm and sunny and next to the beach’. And surrounded by Mexico’s finest federal police and army personnel! This year, da homeland had the honor of hosting the annual G20, so everyone at Los Cabos cleaned up real nice. We stayed at the same hotel that hosted  the Russian representatives, which meant that we had to walk through metal detectors and let security X-ray our stuff every time we felt like going through the lobby. Although that made it feel like we never really left the airport, the hotel made up for it by very conveniently activating free WiFi in the lobby just as Russia’s finance ministers checked in. Clever girl..

We spared no expense. (4 RUSSIA!!!)

That said, the only person who used the free WiFi was my dad, who needed to go online to read his birthday wall posts on FB. AND book us a room in a different hotel so we wouldn’t be homeless on Saturday night, since G20 took up all the weekend rooms.

Speaking of Russia messing things up, HOW ABOUT DAT EUROCUP?! Ernesto and I were constantly peeking into bars along the streets in Cabo to get the game scores all week, and the look on his face when Russia lost to Greece was pretty dang satisfying. So satisfying, in fact, that it almost made me forget that Greece > Russia was probably the only upset that I didn’t put on my 2012 EurUpset Bracket. I’m happy to see losers come out on top, but it would’ve been cool if the losers I’d wanted to win would do so. LOOKING ATCHU, THE NETHERLANDS.  What does it feel like to see my predicted 2012 Eurocup Champ get eliminated in the group phase with a grand total of Z E R O points? Sort of like this:

WTH THE NETHERLANDS 

Spending the next few weeks watching my bracket fall into lower and lower percentile rankings won’t be so bad as long as Spain doesn’t win this thing. I swear to you over all that is dear to me, I’ll probably claw my eyes out with soccer cleats if I have to watch Spain carry a Eurocup Trophy out of that stadium.

This whole rant about my complicated feelings regarding the Eurocup was supposed to be a tweet, but well. Obviously 140 characters wasn’t going to cut it. Why do I even have a twitter? All I do is go past the character limit and creep on Amelie Gillette. No less than half of the tweets I start to type are Young Money lyrics, but I’ve managed to self-censor myself in time for each one (you’re welcome, world). 
I can tell that this is very quickly going to turn into a ranty rant, so here’s a summary of what it was like to get back in touch with the Internet after a week of webstinence (GEDDIT): 
1. Go on ESPN.com and hate own bracket 
2. Go on Twitter and hate own twitterature 
3. Go on Gmail and be shocked at lack of new emails since last log-in. Realize this is mostly due to the end of Carleton.
4. Go on here to see someone else articulate my feelings about graduating better than I can.
5. Go on Youtube to listen to Selena sing “Amor Prohibido” as I entertain my sadness while mourning the late and great Chicana supastar.
6. Go on Selena’s wiki and learn that George W. Bush made April 16th “Selena Day” in Texas. Gain the first inkling of sincere appreciation for the former president. Get more excited to move to Texas in a week and a half. 


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Hurray! and so forth

WELL 36 sleepless hours, 1852 words and one visual aid later, I’m done with finals. AND WITH CARLETON COLLEGE? Apparently? It’s 10:26 p.m. on June 3rd and I’ve been up since 10:30 a.m. June 2nd, so everything’s looking p r e t t y hazy, but I can say with like ninety percent confidence that this is real life and I actually turned in my last assignment and actually went to my last final and am about to actually close the last chapter of what has been a remarkable story in a remarkable place. It’s getting reaaaal sentimental up in hurr, and it doesn’t help that Prof. Appleman gave the entire EDUC344 class ACTUAL CDs with “Fast Car” on them.

Obviously, I’m listening to it on repeat and trying not to drown in my own sea of tears*. (not joking) (seriously though, this song should come with a warning from the Surgeon General)

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ 

‘       ‘     ‘     ‘      ‘
‘   ‘   ‘       ‘    ‘   ‘ 
  ‘   ‘    ‘ ‘    ‘ ‘     ‘
‘     ‘ ‘     ‘     ‘    ‘ 
I made this Love Storm emoticon the other day, it just seems so relevant for this moment. The heart clouds are raining a storm of tears over everything, and well you know. Feeling a lot of feels right now. 
gunna go 2 sl33p now,
sorry for this post.


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State of the Paulina, Pt. 1

Paulina spots a look-alike:
1D logic: Zayn, you don’t know you’re Uncle Jesse! That’s what makes you Uncle Jesse!  
OneDirection/FullHouse are straight-laced, wholesome boy bands/families that have ONE black sheep. As you can tell from this GIF I found on a 1D tumblr, the interchangeable black sheep is Zayn Malik/Uncle Jesse. THEY ARE IDENTICAL. I keep waiting for Mary-Kate or Ashley to come out from the water on this beach scene. 



Paulina is disappointed: Following the extraordinarily sexy 30-second “preview” (<- notice the quotation marks dipped in sarcasm, they’re important) of JustinBieber’s Boyfriend video, I spent over a week in eager, eager anticipation for Youtube to release the complete version of JB music video gold. After all, if the remaining 2 minutes and 23 seconds of the video were remotely related to the first 30 seconds of blue-filtered, icy-hot tantalizing scenery, Boyfriend was shaping up to be the most seductive coming-of-age video since Jesse McCartney came out with Leavin‘. When fifty gazillion JB followers started announcing that the video was finally up, I jumped around, politely asked/ordered Ernesto to turn off whatever he was watching, clicked on the link on Twitter and took a deep breath before pressing play.  Things seemed like they were off to a good start when the video started with the scenes from the preview; the slightly frozen gears were turning (I can only assume they’re a metaphor for the love machine within JB starting to awake), the two dozen hands were reaching from nowhere to grab JB’s chest, the MJ silhouette was looking fine as ever, and THEN THE VIDEO STARTED OVER. It didn’t smoothly merge with the next part, it just started over from the Orca mating calls. And a 2:53 minute long, warm-filtered, rooftop summer days story that has NOTHING TO DO with the so-called SNEAK PEAK took over. What?!! Do you know what “sneak-peak” means?!! You don’t promise someone an ice cream cone and then give them a chili dog.


Paulina travels time: Apparently my house has Boomerang now? (It’s not a question, but I’m just so stunned that I’m questioning everything now.) Natalia and I watched a solid hour of Cartoon Network shows from way-back-when, like Dexter’s LaBOREatory and Cow and Chicken and I Am Weasel. Oh man. Do you guys remember how NOTHING LOOKED GOOD IN THE 90s? I thought I had fond, fond memories of Cartoon Network, but it turns out there were just a bunch of shiny butts and gross-looking noses all over the place. 

Paulina is proud to be an American: Last Wednesday, President Obama became the first standing U.S. president to announce his support for same-sex marriage. AND I GLADLY STAND UP! NEXT TO YOU!  #lezbehonest #thatsprettyneat (p.s. did you know there’s a groovy Beyonce version of Proud to be an American?! There ain’t no doubt, I love that woman. )

Paulina is not trendy: What the heck does ‘yolo’ mean??

Paulina hasn’t graduated yet: I’m going to just stop going on Facebook until June 9th because all I ever see are statuses and pictures of CONGRATS Class of 2012 at Anywhere But Carleton College and it’s the most depressing thing. akfjlsjdlkfjdlsdkj whyyyyyy are there still 3 weeks left of school?! why why why why why? But the bigger question is how are 400+ students and their families going to fit in the grassy spot behind Olin?! I expect a miracle, Carleton.

Overall state: B/B+


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22B422 Pt. 18: Teen Anthems

Have you ever been in high school? Do you go to Carleton College? You should probably take EDUC 344 with Deborah Appleman, where you get to study high school and teen angst and all the other things that make life worth living. There’s a slightly insane number of books that we read per week, but the class makes up for it by starting every day with a teen anthem. Our list so far has included:

– “Baba O’Riley”, by The Who

– “No Such Thing,” by John Mayer (not his best, but I freaked out enthusiastically regardless)

– “Jack and Diane,” by John Mellencamp

– “Fast Car,” by Tracy Chapman (I think I’ve described previously how hard it was not to cry)

– “At Seventeen,” by Janis Ian

– “Maria, Maria,” by Santana w/ Wyclef and a bunch of other people

– “Waterfalls,” by TLC

– “Born This Way,” by Lady Gaga


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22B422 Pt. 16: Now You’re Just

Well hey there. A week ago I made the huge mistake of listening to Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know,” so obviously now I’m super depressed and/or have lost all faith in humanity. A while ago I wrote a list of goodbye songs that aren’t really saying goodbye, and this one just tops them all. 
To deal with my all of my complicated feelings regarding this song, I made a bunch of advice animals and took some liberty with Gotye’s lyrics.



Alternate Endings to The Chorus for Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know.”

Now you’re just somebody’s lawn I used to mow.

Now you’re just some money that I used to owe.

Now you’re just a neon sign that used to glow. 

Now you’re just the pottery I used to throw. 

Now you’re just the sculpture that I used to sew. 

Now you’re just the cleavage that I used to show. 
Now you’re just the bubbles that I used to blow.
Now you’re just the season when it used to snow.  (MN WINTER 2012!)

Now you’re just the sea monkeys I used to grow. 

Now you’re just the college where I used to go. Seeyuh, Carleton.


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22B422 Pt. 12: Why Can’t I Write This Stupid Essay?

Why Can’t I Write This Stupid Essay?


– I’m too busy yelling at Ernesto for trying to throw away all my precious memories that are stacked on the coffee table

– IT IS SO HOT EVERYWHERE AAAAAHHH

– Daydreams about eating Krispy Kremes keep coming into my brain unannounced

– Everytime I start to type “Furthermore,” I automatically start saying “And furthermore Susan…” in a really indignant voice

Anne Marker (whoever that is) keeps putting beautiful things on Pinterest that make me swoon.

– Each time I catch a glimpse of myself typing, I get distracted at how cool my nails look now that Ernesto painted them. YOU DA BEST, ERNEST.

– I’m negotiating this inner battle over whether or not it’s okay to eat yet another box of Peep bunnies. My body’s saying “Let’s go,” but my heart is saying “No.”

– ^ what the heck ITUNES, I’ve definitely had “Genie in a Bottle” in my music library since 2004. Where did you put my song?? Even my things lose my things.

– It’s senior spring term and literally all I care about is using my birthday coupon for Supercuts. After that’s over with, I’ll probably sit on the grass drinking Coke Zero until graduation.

– Speaking of sitting on the grass, who’s playing at Spring Concert this year? Obviously I can’t write this paper until I know all of the obscure bands that I’m not acquainted with enough to be able to sing along to (last year RJD2 came but well how do you sing along to “Ghostwriter”? You can’t.) (still though.. RJD2!)


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22B422 Pt. 7: Ernesto’s Comps

Today, at approximately 8:00 p.m. in the Weitz Cinema, Ernesto Llano gave his comps talk with 6 other chemistry majors.

Ernesto giving his DNA replication explanation across the nation (but actually just to the Weitz Cinema)
And an hour later.. da whole famdamily! 

Here’s the list of Chemistry-related sleazy pick-up lines that I thought of during the presentation:

– “Are you coming to my comps talk? It’ll be a chemisTREAT.”

– “Girl look at that prime ase” (?)

– “I’ll let you trigger my loop release.”

– “Did someone break your heart? I can tape together your okizaki fragments.”

None of these are funny. Well, I think the first one is okay, but you know. I’m sorry this is such a lame list I’M SORRY OKAY. To my credit, I was prompted by the comps title, which was something like “DNA, I hear you’re single.. molecule replication” (more or less).

I’ve spent most of today stopping myself from logging on Facebook because I didn’t want to see my newly enforced TIMELINE and it’s just been a downer overall. You’re a jerk, Facebook.

In other distressing news, today we listened to “Fast Car” during my Ed Studies class and I had to grip my seat with both hands to stop myself from bawling up a storm. Maybe it’s the song’s deceptive grooviness, or maybe it’s the fact that I can’t understand half of what Tracy Chapman is saying until the lyrics are handed to me in a powerpoint, but I’d never realized what a depressing song this was.